Filipino culture often includes strong family ties and part of this is pasalubong. Showing proper respect for one’s family is often extremely important. Failure to follow the traditional of pasalubong can be especially grave for Filipino.
What is Pasalubong?
When Filipino travel, they usually will bring a gift to the family upon their return. This is called pasalubong. When Living in the Philippines you should keep this tradition in mind.
This is one of those cultural difference that has taken me a long time to come to understand. I have watched Jessie observe it. Even when she goes to Cebu City she brings a little something back for the kids.
Lechon
When we visited her family, she said she had to take pasalubong to her family. She said it didn’t have to be much, it could be fruit but she had to return with something. I didn’t understand. I worried if the fruit was enough. I didn’t understand that failure to observe pasalubong would be seen as a sign of significant disrespect.
I treated the family to lechon, which I didn’t understand but that might have been seen as my pasalubong.
It also seems that in some families you are expected to bring something for each and every person and missing anyone could lead to massive hurt feelings.
I know I’ve seen Filipina that live overseas complain about this. They feel taken advantage of, just like so many foreigners do.
I know that when I first arrived in the Philippines, I had no idea of the culture. I didn’t understand why when a person has a birthday, they are expected to be the one doing the giving. That seems so difficult as there are so many people to give too. For Filipino, sharing is a huge part of life Sharing is a huge part of Filipino culture.
I once read something from a Filipino that indicated that a Filipino was not happy having his food alone. That in Filipino culture once could not be happy unless they shared their food and drink. Pasalubong, it would seem is just another side of this.
Today, I read in a Manila based online paper where the tradition of pasalubong included much more elaborate gifts. Well, someone more elaborate. The talked of toad skin covered wallets or even the entire toad. It also spoke of trinkets that might be tossed in with the other collection of forgotten things. I couldn’t help but notice how Western the thinking was compared to what I am use to. Jessie would much rather spend the money on food and something useful than on something that would go unused.
To read other articles about Filipino Culture click here.
No Pasalubong is Disrespectful in Filipino Culture
If you’re living in the Philippines and your girl tells you she needs to return with a gift for her family or each family member. It is the tradition of pasalubong that she is speaking of. She is not taking advantage of you because you are a foreigner. For Filipina especially, it is important to follow the traditions of her family. You will likely find that pasalubong is highly important to her as returning without it would be an insult.
Tagged with: Filipino Culture • Living In The Philippines • Pasalubong
Filed under: Filipino Culture
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OMG ! You are so right in this! I found out about this the hard way, but luckily it wasn’t held against me due to being a visitor. When I went to my fiancee’s home I brought lots of chocolate from here in the U.S. It was very well received. Now when I send a box to the home I include something special for everyone in the family- this means the big box ! haha.
Hi Robert,
Welcome to CEX.
I sent Jessie a box of really expensive chocolates that are made in Memphis where I use to live.
Her two year old got into them and ate most of them. Oh my, she still sulks about that five years later.
“I know I’ve seen Filipina that live overseas complain about this. They feel taken advantage of, just like so many foreigners do.”
What exactly do you mean by this? How do they feel taken advantage of by not getting pasalubong here in the states?, by not having the means to provide it?, or by the demand for it when they get home?
Filipino that work overseas are seen as rich and usually are compared to their families, MOST of the time. There are TREMENDOUSNESS pressures put on Filipina by their families in many cases. It is hard to get them to talk about it but if you watch closely, you’ll see it. One Filipina told me she can’t even love who she wants too. I saw another one on Yahoo Answers asking for advice on how to deal with her family, she feels guilty for not sending all her money home but now she wants to get married and start her own family.
Filipina work all over this country and other countries and send most of the money back home to their family. They want to do this. They talk of all they want to do is help their family. In some cases, they mean, please give me some money so I can help my family. Many of them do send huge parts of it home.
Families depend on each other here to survive. Those of us in our 50′s and older from the USA often lament the close families we once had. Filipino still have them. I cannot stress enough how important family responsibilities are to most of the Filipina I know. Most don’t seem to resent it but it often causes friction too.
Ahh yeah this can be seen on other sites as being refered to as filipino guilt. I thought you were still referring to pasalubong. Yes it’s easily apparent to most people that have a friendship with filipinos that the family bond and how they deal with money is vastly different than the vast majority of western (usa) countries. Beceasue they are an impovereshed people they have chosen to have values that are “one for all and all for one” as opposed to “everyman for himself” witch is more dominant in USA. This just makes them a more close gnit family unit and a happier, friendlier people IMO. The pay is so low and their are so few jobs there that it’s not really possible for many to survive. But the solution they have working for them is not living to excess and the whole family contributes to paying for the eldest childs education or job oppertunities over sea. Then when able to work that child helps out by sending money back to the family. This is usually used to feed those left behind and fund the same efforts of the next in line. Often times 1 mediocre job over seas can and does support a family of 4 or 5. I know a filipina living in the states in her 50′s that still send money home to support her mother, siblings, cousins ect on a regular basis. And when she can’t afford it she is really upset and she has not even seen them for I would guess a decade so it more of culture thing than a “family guilt” that some americans think it is.
I agree some and disagree some. My filipina wife sees other Pinoy as following the “Mob Rule” this is reflected by the Pinoy as “Neveau Riech” or “Gold Fever”. We discussed some Pinoy following mob rule as doing anything they can to stand on anothers shoulders to get ahead. I confronted everyone who wanted to use me and we had a Pow-Wow. What the heck is a Pow-Wow they said. I answered that it was a round table discussion on what it took everyone to live togather with no hidden agendas or suppositions on anyone part. We visited and I was accused of “counting every penny”. I responded with “that’s my custom, I am not going to do what I don’t like doing so deal with it”…………..
I suppose one could look at things that way.
If I can help someone by having them stand on my shoulders, I certainly would be willing to do so.
Families in the Philippines do tend to help each other out. It has been my perception they will happily do the same for you when they can.
My girls family has been very good to me, very helpful.
One should certainly live their life their way.
This was almost catastrophic for me. Relatives in PH wanted to send gifts to OFWS and I refused. We had a two year old and three suitcases plus the pasalubong made four! Didn’t they understand, we had to to change planes four times, the wife carrying the baby and I dragging four luggage? Today it is even more difficult with all the paranoia in air travel! I have been in the baggage area of Manila airport to explain items and even had coco jam questioned at LAX, plus cake confiscated in Hawaii! I have resolved, if they believe it is important, I will pay to have it sent FedEx! Despite the stress, Filipinos are truly the most wonderful people on earth.. And Filipinas, well if you are married to one, life can be heaven on earth. Have fun, be safe.
An entire suitcase for pasalubong. haha What was wrong with the Cake? Hungry customs agents? haha
I guess I got lucky, I had no problems at customs. But I’m not implying that I never will. Maybe I’ll just stay put.
Wow, did I ever get an unusual pasalubong this week.
A friend from Australia showed up bearing a gift. I can’t say what it was.
Hey Rust, It is really good to see you back posting like you used to do. I am pleased that you must be feeling better now than a few month ago. Good on ya !!!
Pasalubong – that explains a lot. I have really not made good impressions, with not having understood this custom of the pinoy.
Good to know you must be at least feeling some what better. later bro.
Hi Thomas,
Thanks, I’ve been pretty active for months, I did get really sick in December, picked up a virus. Seems like that slowed me down for a couple of weeks but I’ve been very active for quite some time now.
I think I mostly lucked up on the pasalubong but I’m sure I made many mistakes a long the way too. I will make more, no doubt.
hi….i love giving pasalubong 2 my family
Hello Elanie.
That doesn’t surprise me. Thanks for sharing that!