I observe visitors and expats within the Philippines that complain about the age of the mates of other visitors and expats. It fits in with a topic of interest to me. That topic is those that complain about the Philippines.
I want to start off with a simple observation. It really is okay to like something. I think people are afraid to like something. Or better stated, they are afraid to admit they like something. This has been an early and ongoing observation upon hanging out with some expats in Cebu City.
All the complaining makes me anxious. I began to wonder why it is so common for people to visit the Philippines often or stay a long time and constantly complain about the country. I’m not the only one that makes this observation. I have seen others blog about this subject.
One of the complaints that some in this group have is the age of men relative to the woman or women in their life. Typically, they condemn others in the group for having a girlfriend twenty or more years younger than them.
Nobody’s Business but Your Own
If the couple is happy I don’t understand why someone else might think they know what is best for them. It could be the couple just makes each other laugh. Perhaps he admires her and she him. Maybe they like who the person is. Maybe the couple just makes each other happy. Shouldn’t that be enough? No? Then maybe “You Just Wanna Be God.”
Some guys do come looking for a mate. It was part of my reason for coming but I saw that mostly as a bonus. I really didn’t expect it to happen. Many others come for a fling. They come for the bikini bars. If that’s what you’re into, fine by me. I’d love to visit AC and find out what it is like there. I’d go to the bikini bars but I wouldn’t take a girl home. Who am I to try to tell someone else what is right for them. I’m not. If you are one that does think it is proper, tell me, what makes you qualified to do that?
Let’s get one thing out of the way right now. Jessie is 20 years and two days younger than me. So do I have a personal problem with the nature of the complaints? No, I just don’t understand them. Quite frankly, I’m quite use to living my life the way I choose to and I could care less what you think of it. The only thing that matters to me is if I like my life. I have a news flash for you. You are not living my life.
If you don’t like that I’m 20 years older than her then you’ll hate this even more. Should something happen to end our relationship my next mate would probably be around 25 and that would be even if I’m 70. Of course, that depends on my options.
Why Do You Care?
My real interest is in those that feel they need to make the complaint in the first place and those that feel the need to defend it. I would like to be able to influence both groups but I have no delusions that I can do much of that. The most I can hope for is to get you to think about it. My question to you is this, why do you care? Either way, if you’re the target of someone else’s complaint let them complain. If you’re a complainer, why on earth do you care?
If you’re the one complaining about guys with younger girls, please tell me why it matters to you. Do you think it is wrong? Why do think it is wrong? If both people in the relationship are happy and in my observation is that most are, what is wrong with it? Someone else told you it was wrong? Based on what theory? It goes back to a question that I have been asking since I was thirteen years old. “Why can’t a boy be named Alice?”
Are you applying Western culture to the Philippines? That’s foolish. I haven’t met a lot of 25 year old women in the USA that I have a lot in common with. They look dang good and I suspect they are nice to hold in ones arms but I forgot a long time ago. Haha I don’t usually find American women in that age group that I have a lot to talk about with. There are of course exceptions to that. For the most part though, there is not a lot of common interest. So I can understand that could make things in such a relationship grow boring quickly. But if that twenty five year old woman is deep in thought, into photography, likes to travel, prefers rock and the blues over pop music or interested in Internet marketing then we would have a lot in common.
You’ll see many visitors and expats talk about the maturity of women in the Philippines. Most make the same observation I do. Women of the Philippines tend to possess a higher maturity level at a younger age than those in the west. If you’re making your judgment based on that, I think you’re just ill informed.
Now if you’re just envious, then I’m not going to spend a lot of time dwelling upon that. I even find it amusing. If you feel you need to condemn others for what you wish you had then you need to take a serious look at yourself. I have only one thing to say to you really. It is okay to admit you like something even if you don’t have it.
Are you younger yourself? Did you come to the Philippines and meet a girl when you were in your 20’s and 30’s? Then fall in love and live happily ever after? Now you’re 50 and you’re wife is 48. I wish I had had such a life. I got married at 21 and like many choices at 21 it turned out very badly after seventeen years of being with her, “she met another and poof she was gone.”
If you’re judging others because of how you see things from your world then I don’t think you are making a very good observation. One of my favorite things to say is “Please don’t try to live my life through your eyes.” It is common for us humans to do that. In the individualistic society found in the USA, I think it is more common.
The culture of the Philippines plays a role in this wider age difference that is more common here. Many Filipino also look for a younger woman. If their spouse dies, it is not uncommon for a Filipino to find a woman much younger than himself to marry.
Much of what drives us in mate selection is deep in our genes. I find it pretty interesting that men all over the world tend to like the same body shape in women. This doesn’t relate to size of the woman but proportionality. It relates directly to the hour glass shape. Further more, there have been studies done that strongly suggest that women with this shape tend to be more fertile. Thus, men that pick mates with that shape are more likely to pass their genes on to their offspring who will likely have many of the same traits as their parents. So men will most likely pick the same shape as their fathers did. So there will be more men picking that shape over time. Since these women tend to be more fertile these men are producing more offspring.
One final point in all of this, is your wife or significant other older or younger than you? Most of you will be a little older than your mate by at least a year or two? I wonder if this will change more over time. Women have become more authoritative The experts say women tend to model their mates after their father. My point is that it many times women look for more mature men. In the Philippines I find this to be very common but it gets magnified here. I just don’t think it is a good idea to apply Western culture when making observations about others.
My last point is a simple one. It can be stated in two words. “So What?” I really don’t understand why people care. I just cannot think that way and personally, I’m very happy I don’t think that way. Why do you even care? I’ll follow that up with suggesting you think about whether you should care or not. I’m not going to give you that answer. If you think you are in a position to tell others how to live, have at it.
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Filed under: Expats in the Philippines
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