Filipina, if you’ve followed me at all, then you know how much I like them. If you haven’t, let me make it clear, I love Filipina. I like to talk to them, chat with them online and most of all, I like to watch and take pictures of them.
I like them for several reasons. Their beauty is surely part of that.
Like all women though, they do also frustrate me. haha We are made up so differently, men and woman. That’s stating the obvious, I know, but it took me a long time to begin to understand just how different we think. I know women don’t understand me. I don’t know if I’m different from other guys or if other guys are not good at saying what I feel. But back to the Filipina.
I think I’ve come to understand something about them. Now I know its bad to generalize and I know there are all kinds of variations on this theme I’m about to propose. Without some generalization, I don’t think I could write about anything!
Filipina, the pressures on them from family are great. I sense that I don’t know the full extent of it. I talk to Jessie about it sometimes. She seems to nod in agreement. Agreement, that I don’t understand!
Filipina, they often have a hard time saying what they want. They seem to feel guilty about wanting more than they have. I get the sense that they believe they should accept what they have and be satisfied regardless of what it is. Especially with men. They usually have such a great respect and love yet a fear of their father.
Waray-waray Filipina
At the same time, I think they are brought up with this fairy tale idea of what to expect from their mates. I am not sure little girls in the USA are still brought up that way. I don’t think they are. Jessie seems to confirm this. Filipina, especially younger ones frequently share the concept of faithful and monogamous man. At the same time, there seems to be a culture of among the pinoy of quiet promiscuity. This leads to a lot of broken hearted women in the Philippines.
It all seems to be “hush hush” too. Seems like everyone is pointing their fingers at everyone else. With all this finger pointing going on, I wonder how there could be so much ”hanky panky” going on?
I have watched young women, have an affair with a guy she knows is married. I have seen this more than once. Everyone knows its going on. She gets pregnant and the guy disappears and she is shocked. I’m shaking my head in disbelief. The woman had a job, she got fired. Now she’s back to living in poverty, the man claimed to be overseas and he’s still in the country. She’s 19 and she is probably locked into poverty for the rest of her life. She has almost no chance of finding work or a husband either now. Perhaps a husband. She might win the lottery too!
I don’t understand how she thought the outcome could be any different but she did think it would be different. I don’t understand because I don’t know the culture well enough to understand. I am learning though. Some of it is just youth. Some of it is being unable to see potential danger in actions, which is part of youth. She’s been introduced to the school of life and its lessons can be harsh. The lessons can be costly to one’s future.
I hope Filipina don’t become less loving and caring and they are that. Yeah, I know, a generalization. Okay, I ‘m guilty, I made it and there are some very unloving and uncaring Filipina. I know, I’ve met one that I would consider swearing under oath has no heart at all!
I don’t have to worry though, the change wont happen in my lifetime. Everything will change over time. For now, though, I’m in the land of an amazing woman Oh complicated, sometimes moody and all those things that have always driven men crazy but they are also tender and loving and forgiving. Heck, Jessie may even be able to put up with me and my crazy ideas. I wont be surprised if she too decides I’m crazy and too much trouble.
Yeah, there are some conniving, sneaky, manipulative Filipina but I bet they are also loving and tender and caring, at least some of the time or maybe to that one person. I know they are out there. I’ve met them.
I watch the mothers around my home. I see the neighbour come home and always greet her children in a tender loving way. They are extremely well behaved so I’m sure there is also some sternness that I don’t see.
Filipina are loving. I see this over and over again. I see a lot of culture clash with me, that too is very real. That doesn’t change their basic make up. Instead that’s more about how poorly we communicate at times.
Tagged with: Cebu • Filipina • Philippines
Filed under: Expats Living in Cebu • Hot Pinay
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I share your views on the Beautiful Filipina. I have been married for eight years now and it is the best thing I ever did in my life. They are beautiful, a little complicated but always worth it.
You don’t have the same worries that you have with most American women. I would highly reccomend Filipina women to any man in search of a wife. I never knew you could be married and happy at the same time!!
Great post Rusty
Married and happy? LOL Yes, maybe I still believe in fairy tells myself. I thought I was married and happy for a bit but I didn’t know the truth.
You know know, I’ve met some pretty sneaky Filipina a couple I think were flat out evil.
Dangerous to put anyone on a pedestal, even someone as wonderful as me. LOL
I’ve known some that I think a lot of too. I do love Filipina though. Best thing about the Philippines.
And then there are those crazy female hormones. I think estrogen is poisonous. LOL
“It all seems to be “hush hush” too. Seems like everyone is pointing their fingers at everyone else. With all this finger pointing going on, I wonder how there could be so much ”hanky panky” going on?”
Hi Rus. In PI, we have a saying “the wife is always the last person to know”, referring to the extramarital affairs of their husbands. I remembered years ago when one of my uncles had a mistress and he had 5 kids with that woman. The affair went on for a long time. Everyone knew but his wife. When someone did tell her, she won’t believe it!!
On the subject of unwed mothers, yah I’ve seen quite a few of them even in my town. Some as young as 16 years. Some became responsible and got themselves jobs, others looking for kanos to marry because generally Pinoys are not interested in “damaged goods”.
It is sad that once a girl has a baby, she is almost certain of a life of deep poverty even if they get a job. If she can get a job. And if she can, she will make only 200 a month if she is very lucky. Most make much less!
I don’t see it as I’m an outsider but don’t most men have a mistress? I’m only told of it.
It is sad they are seen as “damaged goods” but that’s the truth of it Christine.
There is so much hanky panky there should be no time for pointing fingers. Everyone’s hands should be busy. haha To me, the lies are the hurtful part. People should be honest with each other but like you said, its hush hush even if common.
We humans, in every culture, we like to lie to ourselves even. Sometimes I think I should lie more often. One girlfriend, many years ago, she told me “you need to learn how to lie so you want be in so much trouble with me all the time.” Me though, I understand and accept what it is to be human. That causes even more thismis though. Oh well, lets give them something to talk about…
It is indeed sad that unwed mums (girls) are regarded as “damaged goods”.
I don’t really know why Pinoys has got so much hang-ups on getting someone’s virginity over and over, that is they go from girl to girl. Seems Pinoys lose interest once they have “harvested” that precious virginity thing. The Koreans,Japs and Arabs also have huge hang-ups on virginity. That’s why they (Arabs) become suicide bombers because someone had brainwashed them that if they die for their cause, 7 virgins await them in paradise. But if they blow themselves up, what good would the 7 virgins be? If you know what I mean?
But seriously, I’ve heard that “cherry blossoms” (virgin girls) are auctioned to the highest bidders in places like Angeles city. It’s as if they can tell (although some boasts that they can) ,because I’ve also heard that girls
repeatedly sell their “cherry blossom” status, ha,ha.
I have not heard of the auctioned off virgin girls in Angeles City before and I don’t think i would be very likely to believe it.
Shy timid Filipina are going to start out that away? I don’t think so. I can’t comprehend that idea actually. Few women are going to go into the line of work without first growing up believing in the fairy tale that Filipina are often taught, having there heart ripped out and becoming devastated and hardened by the entire experience. And/Or feeling as if they are damaged goods they see only one hope out of the poverty. There are no virgins in that, that’s insane to believe. I guess there’s a sucker born every minute though.
People have some odd beliefs. Like it really makes any difference other than the guys ego, it makes no difference.
Auctions of cherry blossom girls happen behind closed doors. The victims are usually girls that have been trafficked from rural areas. Most girls in the sex trade start as girls- i.e still in their teen-aged years. When I was a teen-ager (in the 80s), I used to visit an Aunt who lived in Angeles city. She used to take in female boarders who worked at the bars. All of the women were almost my age (16 to 18 years). Most ended up in the bars because of the need for money. There was one girl who was initially trafficked, was rescued but went back to the bars of her own accord because that was the only work she knew. I doubt girls would voluntarily enter a career in the sex industry if they have other choices.
Trafficking of women and children for sex is alive and well in the Philippines. Here’s some sobering read on human trafficking in the Philippines.
Hey Christine,
I know a girl that is now 16 that got caught in human trafficking. Not in the sex trade but as a maid. They kept her locked up. Captured. Not sure if they paid her, probably not. I know she got beat at least once when she tried to escape. She worked for a Filipino couple. I’ve heard of other similar situations. Jessie has told me about some situations she knew of.
It is almost always about money, rarely would anyone want to do that for a living.
I had to remove that link. Didn’t want too but that is a strange site. The post articles that appear to be anti trafficking but the ads on the site seem pro trafficking. I don’t mind the link but advertisers would. So not a problem, I don’t like having to remove it thanks I found it useful
So true Christine. I learned from a friend who works in Kuwait. Arab men put a high premium to woman’s virginity. It is considered a mortal sin to rape a virgin. A Filipina was raped by three Kuwaitis. When they learned that woman was a virgin, they proceeded to sodomize her instead. How considerate of them.
Some of the laws on child protection in the Philippines actually have clauses like “seducing a virgin” under the age of 18. There are other laws that come into play too though. But I don’t want to get you started on “in the presence of a minor” again.
Actually, I do, go ahead get started, I like it when you do. Really, I do.
Hi Rusty,
I’m responding to you from the U.S. as you are much interested in the Filipino way of life. As you already know, the Filipino family help each other. When marrying someone, the son or daughter gets permission from their parents and elders. If something happens to them and can no longer provide for the family, the elders will solicit from the working relatives to help out. In most cases, the parents are the one who help out. So with regards to out of wedlock children, they are not recognized as bloodline relative. Another issue is the reputation of the bride and her family. If she has a child out of wedlock, most likely the family will not approve of the liaison. Most Filipinos (man or woman) would not defy their parents as the family is insurance. Hence, most single women with a child or children would likely seek foreign husbands if they are young.
Hi Roselyn,
Thanks for the insight. I love to be educated about the Philippines by Flipino.
Yes, I’m always interested in cultures and what makes people tick, how they think and why they think that way. I think it makes me accepting of other people. To learn rather than judge.
Yesterday I revised my eBook to include information about Filipino and Family. If Ii fully understood it, I could probably write a book on just that topic. I included some information about the elders and how family is central to the Filipino way of life..
I also noted that Filipina are under sometimes a lot of pressure through their families and that the family provides unending love. When the family is not rich in worldly ways there are other riches that Filipino get from family.
People are giving Miss Philippines are hard time about her answer on the Miss Universe or Miss World contest. I don’t know which it was, I barely followed it because frankly, I could care less about that kind of thing. Her answer was a very Filipino answer. It was about family she returned to what was most important in her life.
And I’m sure her big mistakes were much smaller in nature than Western world but also, mistake often means scandal in the Philippines so I suspect it was a language issue for her too. She probably should have had the question given to her through an interpretor. There was nothing wrong with her answer.
Hi Rusty,
Thanks for an insightful response. I will add this to my response as you are writing about family customs in the Philippines. Although not said aloud, it is customary for mothers to give up their daughters to grandmothers and aunts to raise when they decide to marry again. This is to prevent incestuous relationships between step-daughters and step-fathers. Adultery between family members (in-laws included) are beyond scandalous and can greatly shame all family members, immediate and extended likewise. This have grave raminifications, especially when future marriages surfaces. Proud families with great reputations will not affiliate with families with scandalous backgrounds. Filipinas may find it hard to find suitable mates to met the expectations of their families.
Hi Roselyn,
Wow, now that’s the kind of stuff I love to learn about. As it is unspoken its hard for someone like me, a foreigner, to break into this information. Thanks so much!
Sometimes, it seems mothers even give up their sons when they re-marry. That has to be a very hard thing. Life can be very hard here and Filipina often go through much of their life with a look of indifference. Its a look of not showing emotion, good or bad. I try to copy Jessie when she does it and she laughs at me. haha I’m going to guess, you know that look. Its about being satisfied with what you have. Filipino are probably great poker players. LOL
I pick up on the enormous pressure that is placed upon Filipina by family. More on that.. Even by those that think of themselves as modern and liberated. They keep things from their family or they think they do
I think family usually knows more than they let on.
I pick up on a lot of guilt about very human things. i also pick up on much love within the family.
The Philippines is a very polite place and some of this “shame” is closely related.
Hi Rusty,
Your blog is inspiring, so I wrote an article for Bob Martin’s web magazine, Living In The Philippines. Bob is going to publish the article, “Great Expectations”, in his site in Sept. 21. This article is about true unfortunate situations about expat and Filipina marriages, based on false expectations. Perhaps, this will give you additional insight into some lives of Filipina women. I emailed Bob that this article is inspired by your blog. I do not look down on Filipina as they are mirrors of myself: what could, what is, and what could be. Thanks again for such an informative site.
That sounds interesting. I will try to remember to read it.
I use to write for Bob. I want to start again but for now, I just don’t have the time. Hopefully he will have me back when I do.
Your welcome and thanks for the kind words.