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When you move to the Philippines you can start a new life, you can get a fresh start. You might be able to leave some old problems behind. However, your luggage will include that old baggage that the airlines can’t weigh but that drags you down.
A Move To the Philippines Does Not Change Who You Are
I was talking to an expert in human behavior the other day and he mentioned how humans have been the same for thousands of years. Actually he said millennia but used the Bible to document 10,000 years of basic human reactions to things.
While culture changes a great deal between region to region, humans are the same in some ways. Love and hate, jealousy, giving versus taking and many more traits they are within us all.
What I’m leading up to is you can’t expect to wash away all your problems by moving to a new land. In fact, they can become enhanced. A new place and a fresh start can certainly give me a new lease on life. It pushes out the boring and bring in the new which also seems fantastic. My first trip to Bantayan Island was also the most amazing. I was blown away by the place. The second time still great but I knew what to expect. It was already becoming routine.
We will fall back to our routines, both the good and the bad. I have noticed cycles that repeat in my life. If you’ve reached the age of 45 and don’t see some, you might not been paying attention. You could also just be a better rounded person than some of us. People I’ve been close to certainly don’t seem to be in any better shape than I.
I learned during my first divorce that I have a codependency issue. It is not uncommon folks, it is very common. I know some experts that don’t really see an issue with it though it needs to be controlled. I do not know. I’m no expert. I’ve been told there are good and bad issues with it. It can be nurturing or it can become controlling. My guess is that balance is the key. I don’t think I’ve ever been very good at balance. I’ve excelled at some things because I tend to poor myself into them. Perhaps this same tendency can be very harmful too, could it lead to an unhealthy obsession?
I didn’t leave that tendency behind by coming to the Philippines. Now I love a woman that is hurt if I don’t let her do things for me. I began to put my socks on the other day and Jessie, with her loving ways rushes over to do it for me. I told her “You know, I can do that myself.” She didn’t say a word but the look her face was “Like hell you will.” She wants to do these things and if I don’t let her it hurts her. Heck, I like it so why should I stop her? It is one of her ways of showing me love. I don’t need this but it is nice. I am having some problems with my feet at the moment. I do need Jessie to do some walking for me. To run errands that I don’t need to be making. That loving nurturing nature of hers is probably something I do need right now. I want to walk, I hate not being able too. I’m afraid that I’m going to do serious damage if I don’t protect my feet right now as I’m diabetic.
I think nurturing though this can be used as a way to allow a partner, usually female, to create a loving atmosphere without giving themselves. I’d need an expert to be certain of that, it is just a hunch. I know from my first marriage that if someone does everything for you, it can be hard to get use to doing those things for yourself when they suddenly exit your life. I developed that hunch under the most unscientific ways possible. At some point, I realized my first wife probably hated my guts.
Fear is another example of this good and bad aspects of human nature. Fearless people often find themselves in danger or trouble with the law. They don’t see the consequences of their actions. To much fear will prevent you from doing anything. Some people are afraid of wide open spaces, so much so they become paralyzed and cannot move or think. So they stay inside all the time.
Your Move To The Philippines Will Not Cure Your Flaws
Again, you do not leave the rinse and repeat cycle of your personality behind by moving to the Philippines. You might be able to shed a bad credit report but you can’t be shed of yourself by just a move. Your past comes with you. I often say I ran away from home and didn’t stop until I was 8000 miles away. When I got there, I was still there. No matter how far I run, I’m still there. Do not expect a move to the Philippines to change your entire life. Moving to the Philippines can certainly enhance your life as it has mine. However, when you move to the Philippines you are still you.
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Filed under: Living In The Philippines
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I totally agree with you Rusty. Like you, I realized I had a codependency issue after my first wife and I divorced. But I had it really bad since she was manic depressive.
After my second marriage, I learned I needed to do more for myself and started by moving far far away from my security blanket close to home, but guess what followed me? LOL You got it. My issues followed and I fell into a long list of relationships that all failed mostly because I sabotaged them. My relationship now to a Filipina that is still there in Cebu has taught me alot, since we are apart most of the year. One thing is trust, and the other it how to be monogamous. Now that last one was really hard for a guy with a fiance thousands of miles away. Who would know? Right? Well I will and the guilt always gets me.
I am hoping by the time she gets here and we start our lives together that, that old demon doesn’t raise his head, and I stay alert, and am ready to make the move there in a few years, and leave that ” baggage” far, far behind me.
Andrew in Wisconsin
I lived alone for seven years ore more. Early to late 30’s. There was virtually no one in my life. Honestly, it was an extremely lonely time. I know that I can make it on my own though. That’s not an issue.
Now I certainly become a guy. I see NO point in washing dishes. I bought these huge packages of thin paper plates from Krogers, I used plastic spoons and knifes. The way I washed dishes was to stick it in the sink, squirt some dish washer fluid in it and let the water run over it for 30 minutes. LOL I laugh that. That did most of the washing for me. When my second wife and I split, I learned that a George Foreman grill was great for my goal to not wash dishes. Though I did sometimes BBQ a steak and that involved some cleaning. I suppose the military might have done me some good. But hey, why, I’ve got the adapt and overcome down pretty darn good already. In my own way. haha
Doing things behind my girl’s back has never been an issue for me. Lies hurt and that is part of it. But it isn’t all because I’m noble. I’m an extremely honest person. If I’m not lying to myself then I’m not likely to be lying to anyone else A huge part of that is though, I fear being caught too much. I’d rather tell the truth than get lying. I wish it was because I’m somehow better than liars but that really just isn’t it. I hated it when I realized that. 🙂
I should have touched more on how some people come to the Philippines and grumble about everything. They soon depart, verbally trash the place, yet sometimes dream of returning. If you are one of those, the problem usually isn’t the Philippines. The problem is you. That really is what this story is about.
I almost didn’t publish this article and I’m still not at all sure I should have. I finally did because people seem to like this blog because it is personal, it is revealing. That was the final decision in publishing it. I’ve got stalkers, waiting for a chance to rip into me. I’ve allowed some of those comments to post in the past. Usually I don’t any more. They don’t bother me, they amuse me when they are the most obvious. Like the guy that commented on my ugly rash covered face. This guy has been attacking me for four years now, following me waiting for me to fail. Why? I’m not 100% sure why. I think he wants Jessie though he and Jessie were never close chat buddies, I don’t think. She had another closer one that stalks me in the same way. They both probably think I’m crazy. I KNOW one does. He really needs to start with the man in the mirror. Though his obsession is himself, he really doesn’t have a clue as to who he is. Do any of us? I’m not sure. I think I do but I could lying to myself like so many others do.
It is extremely difficult to objectively look at our own personality, our own flaws and to see the subconscious motivators behind them is next to impossible unless someone guides us. We are not conscious of these things which is even redundant to say.
Man, I’m hungry, I wish I was back at the beach where the picture in this article was taken yesterday with my bucket of chicken. haha No, I don’t need that. 🙂 Sure is fun. I may go back tomorrow but I’m not planning on food, just my hands and feet in that water. I plan on spending more time there even if it means going alone. Hope the tide is in. I’m dependent on the tide. haha I need to get their phone number so I can call to find out about water levels before I go. Hope they have a phone. 🙂 Feels like my sugar is low.. better go take care of it. I will take care of it, Jessie is downstairs. She’s on a cleaning kick today. She’s got two maids but she’s got to clean today. Her Betty Crocker side has surfaced today.
Just a different way to say it: Now matter where you go there you are!
Rusty,
My mom was a diabetic. It’s a horrible disease to watch and it seems like everything and anything can go wrong. She had big problems with her feet and she was in and out of hospitals for the last 17 years of her life because of them. She had a stroke, eye problems, an infection from bird droppings and died of a heart attack. You need to take care of yourself. Jesse values her relationship with you and it should be the main motivation to take care of yourself.
It is actually Jack. I’ve been needing her help to quit smoking which is my major number one problem right now as far as I’m concerned. I HOPE I’m reaching the point now where I can do it on my own. I’ve tried a couple of times in the last couple of weeks and the timing is VERY bad. I’ve been going through pure hell.
I’m having some eye problems too but my blood sugar is well controlled. I’m having some vision problems too though so none of this is really making any sense to me. The problems I’m having could also be related to lupus or an illness like lupus. I should get some blood test in a couple of weeks that may help tell the story.
I absolutely have to quit smoking to turn this around. I’m at the point where I’m pretty sure I want to quit now. To quite, I need as little stress as possible and support when the stress comes.
I need to also get where I can walk. I’m going to ask the doctor if my perception that walking on my feet and just letting them spit and keep walking through the pain is a bad thing. I tried that and it didn’t seem to be a good thing for them. 🙂
Right now smoking is the number one issue and I want to quit so I think I will very soon. I’ve learned though it is very easy to say that with lots of nicotine in my system.
I tried to quite about a week ago, thinking I couldn’t feel any worse, trust me, I felt worse. 🙂 I woke up after about six hours of sleeping during a period of extreme stress and I felt things in my nerves I’ve never felt before and quickly gave up.
Right now I’m feeling pretty strong emotionally but my moods have been all over the place lately, I’m worn out from it. 🙂 Hopefully, I’ll stay on my current path and will be able to do it alone. Three days of hell for quitting and then months of cravings. I know, I’ve done it before. It is 2am and I know full well when I wake up I could have a completely different outlook and an outlook that is not conducive to stop smoking.
Goal 1: Emotionally stability regardless of environment
2: Quit smoking
3: Start walking
4: Be able to climb the 100 stair to reach Mother Mary like I did two years ago. Maybe I can get there sooner but that’s going to depend on my feet I think.
I’m not sleepy but my hands are itching and I’ve had two benedryl now to try to stop it.
I think I’m ready to quit but geesh that is so easy to say until that severe withdrawal that some get from nicotine and I’m one of those. The last thing I need is anything further stimulating my nervous system. Still three days, I have concentrate on that and just make it happen. Wish me luck, I’m going to need it no matter how strong I think I am right now.
Jack, the truth is that right now she does not value it. That is what is making is hard to quit. I wish there was another truth. When words and actions do not agree, I go with actions.
Rusty,
The straw that broke the camel’s back for my mom was losing her foot. Walter Reed did a great job as long as possible but the doctor finally had to amputate. She lost her will to live after this. My dad is retired military and we were lucky for the medical coverage. I enjoy his military stories from World War 2. He spent the end of World War 2 in Manila waiting for the invasion of Japan.
You have to take the feet problem very serious. Also, I would think it would be very difficult to stop smoking in an Asian country. It’s everywhere and filipinos seem to be dying of other causes than lung cancer. I think that is why it isn’t taken seriously.
I know, I’m worried about my feet and I must stop smoking if I want to keep them.
I know what I need to do but anxiety levels are very high for me.
A pack of cigarettes are still under $1 here. Moving back to the USA would force the issue. 🙂
I will quit and I will quit soon. more xanax would REALLY help but I just seem to be able to get it legally and I wont do it illegal.
Is it hard to get your dad to talk about the war? most have told me they dont like to talk aboutr it, had a friend, his father was a bomber pilot. i got to read hos logs. very nice to read.
Rusty,
My dad is a real character. I enjoy listening to the World War 2 stories. He was with a military police unit. He was on a boat back home from Europe but it got diverted to the Philippines. He told me about his filipina girlfriend but it didn’t go anywhere when he followed her walking to the red light district that was set up for service men. When the war ended, he jumped in a swimming pool to hide since he didn’t want to get called out to round up drunked soldiers. The story doesn’t do him justice. He is truly a great man and American hero for serving our country.
I’m convinced doing time in the military would have done me some good but I wasn’t cut out for it back then. The idea of someone yelling in my face was just not appealing to me. Now if I could have passed the psychical to become a pilot, I could have taken the yelling and just about anything else.. I couldn’t though, even hey fever would be enough to no qualify.